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About Artisan Crafts / Hobbyist Premium Member BethanyFemale/United States Groups :iconbroken-hearted-poets: Broken-Hearted-Poets
The wounds are deep...
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What's the best way to deal with sadness/depression? 

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3 deviants said Listening to Music
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1 deviant said Other (Please Comment)
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Looking Back

Journal Entry: Fri Feb 20, 2015, 2:05 PM


Last night I was looking back at some of my old work, and it was so bizarre. Not because I have a different writing style exactly, but because I was so absolutely broken. I had no idea just how bad the pain was. I mean, yes I did in that I was suicidal and more than ready to die. I was happy to leave everything behind, but I didn't see it from the outside perspective that I can see it from now. It's actually a bit scary, because I know the emotions I felt as I was writing the things I did, and the honesty that I put into my writing. I don't write as often now because I don't feel the need to, but yet looking back I can see that there was so much more to my need to write than just the need to vent. I wanted to connect with people. I needed to be reminded that maybe just maybe I wasn't as alone as I felt I was. And I had no idea that I was so lost and broken as I really was.

I was reading through my old work, and I don't know what to say now except that if someone needs help or love or affection, I will be there if I can be. I know what it's like to be deep in the darkness, and now I see how other people may see that darkness. And I want to help. I want to be good to others because I know I was absolutely messed up, and I don't want people to be alone during that. I wish I could explain more -- that's why i started to write this -- but I just can't find the words. I hope if any of you need me, you'll come. I care, honest I do.

  • Mood: Astonished
  • Listening to: Watsky

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BethyLuv215's Profile Picture
BethyLuv215
Bethany
Artist | Hobbyist | Artisan Crafts
United States
So if youre reading this, I guess you wanna know about me. well, Here's a little list that should help ya:

I love drawing
Love singing
Love movies
ADORE cuddling and snuggling if theres someone willing
Think the outside world is simply stunning
I may be short, but I AM NOT YOUR ARMREST!!!!!!
I suffered from on and off anorexia, bulimia, cutting, and have severe depression when alone for a long time, but I'm just about cured now I'd say.
Animals are one of my many passions!!! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!
If ever anyone needs a friend, i'm your girl. I'm here no matter what when I'm needed, and as loyal as a puppy. (But no worries, I wont shed on your couch =P )

So bassically, I love drawing, singing, and watching movies. I also loooooooooooooooooooove cuddling, and going to the beach to walk barefoot through the warm sand. I struggle with keeping on the bright side of life, and a few other "problems" but i perservere, and am proud to say I'm still alive. :)

Current Residence: Pluto (ITS STILL A PLANET TO ME!!!!!!!!!!)
Favourite genre of music: alternative or soft rock
Favourite style of art: poetry, sculpture
MP3 player of choice: ipod
Shell of choice: conch
Wallpaper of choice: anything that expresses me
Favourite cartoon character: Popeye? Danny Phantom? Snap (from ChalkZone)?
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Looking Back

Journal Entry: Fri Feb 20, 2015, 2:05 PM


Last night I was looking back at some of my old work, and it was so bizarre. Not because I have a different writing style exactly, but because I was so absolutely broken. I had no idea just how bad the pain was. I mean, yes I did in that I was suicidal and more than ready to die. I was happy to leave everything behind, but I didn't see it from the outside perspective that I can see it from now. It's actually a bit scary, because I know the emotions I felt as I was writing the things I did, and the honesty that I put into my writing. I don't write as often now because I don't feel the need to, but yet looking back I can see that there was so much more to my need to write than just the need to vent. I wanted to connect with people. I needed to be reminded that maybe just maybe I wasn't as alone as I felt I was. And I had no idea that I was so lost and broken as I really was.

I was reading through my old work, and I don't know what to say now except that if someone needs help or love or affection, I will be there if I can be. I know what it's like to be deep in the darkness, and now I see how other people may see that darkness. And I want to help. I want to be good to others because I know I was absolutely messed up, and I don't want people to be alone during that. I wish I could explain more -- that's why i started to write this -- but I just can't find the words. I hope if any of you need me, you'll come. I care, honest I do.

  • Mood: Astonished
  • Listening to: Watsky
I fell in love too easily:

I fell for the stars.
I fell for the sky.
I fell for brown eyes.


I want the boring things:

To wear pajamas all day.
To build a pillow fort.
To wake up in someone's arms.


I like the mundane:

The feel of rain.
The taste of honey.
The smell of lilies.  



But really

I fell for all the right things.
Nothing is truly boring.
And "mundane" is just another word
for "under appreciated".
Sharpie Butterflies by BethyLuv215
Sharpie Butterflies
Recently I've been really stressed. Way more in fact than I have been in years. My mind ventured a lot to ideas of self-harm, not so much about doing it again, but how I did in a way enjoy it. There's a campaign of drawing butterflies on your arm instead of cutting, and I decided that I should do the same, even though I find butterflies too girly generally. I drew the one on my wrist and was still crazy stressed, so I made a larger one in my sketch book. While I don't usually share my sketches, I thought this might be worth it. I'm stronger now than ever, and this is my proof.
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:iconhanbo-hobbit:
HanBO-Hobbit Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for the favourite on "TARDIS Butterfly in the Time Vortex"!
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:icondevilsangel8688:
DevilsAngel8688 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2015
:iconearlybirthdayplz: Have your cake and eat it too 
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:iconbethyluv215:
BethyLuv215 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Aww thank you!!!! I actually really needed this right now, knowing someone notices me. xD Thanks so so much!!!! :hug:
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:iconfaeelixir:
FaeElixir Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for the watch! It means a lot to me that you like my work ;u;/
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:iconalwaysorange:
alwaysorange Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2014   Artisan Crafter
Thanks for the watch!
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:iconthekillerlance:
TheKillerLance Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the favorite! :+fav: :squee:
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:iconbalsa1:
Balsa1 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2014
Welcome to :iconclay-lovers: !!! I hope you will have a great time :) (Smile)
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:icondemite:
Demite Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks for the fav, appreciate it ! <3 C:
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:iconstarwars98:
starwars98 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for faving.
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