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About Artisan Crafts / Hobbyist Core Member BethanyFemale/United States Groups :iconbroken-hearted-poets: Broken-Hearted-Poets
The wounds are deep...
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Deviant for 5 Years
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Given by stung1010koth
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What's the best way to deal with sadness/depression? 

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Slowly Moving Forward

Journal Entry: Sat Jan 2, 2016, 7:22 PM


Just an update in my life: I'm crafting a little, but not as much as I'd like. I've done a bit over my Thanksgiving and Winter Breaks, but those breaks are almost done (well, the latter at least - Thanksgiving is obviously over already). I took 17 credits last semester and am set to take 18 this next one. I am trying to plow through books while I have this time off, and I'm trying to study abroad in Ireland this summer. I'm trying to choose between continuing to sleep with someone I'm in love with (as I have been for nearly a year) but who doesn't feel the same, or dating someone who I have minor romantic interests in but who at least would care for me and could easily provide for me. Hard choice, my heart or my instinct to find a future provider and good genes to combine with mine. I have work for seven days straight, and then I go almost directly to Boston and then New Hampshire before going back to school. I'm hoping to take summer classes so I can get away from my somewhat toxic house life as soon as possible. I have developed some type of separation anxiety from my friends, and I am extremely reluctant to ever sleep. I have experimented with pot in order to manage the stress - I don't care much for smoking but it makes pain a little easier to deal with. On the other hand, I have experimented with alcohol and been everything from a happy drunk to hysterically crying for 2 hours, drinking 4 shots at 11am just to make the pain stop, and becoming "bipolar within seconds" as was described to me by one of my friends - I don't remember a single negative thing from the night, but apparently I was saying everything from how beautiful everyone was to how I was sure they all hated me and would send me back to Jersey. Yeah, I've had a crazy time. And I relapsed with my cutting. Just one cut, and one I debated making for nearly two weeks before letting it bite into my wrist. I've seen multiple therapists, and those at the school basically tell me that I have too many issues for the school to deal with. Oh yeah and they say the issues I have now and the assaults I have experienced all seem to lead back to the lack of parent-child connection which I should have made as a baby but never did. I take what I can get in affection, even if it's not what I need, because I'm so used to scraping the bottom of the barrel for something halfway decent that it seems the norm to me. But hey, at least I have a 3.7 GPA. Somehow.

So that's my life in the past 4 months. That's everything worth mentioning probably. I have no solace and all solitude. I'm not sure what happens now, but really I never am. I guess I'll just keep on crafting, hoping that I'll find some answer to some question or other. I'm well lost, and I know that I have to keep doing well. Guess I'll keep trudging forward, because even if I don't know where I'm going, I know forward is the only option, so I may as well make it count.

Oh yeah, Happy New Year everyone.

  • Mood: Distressed
  • Listening to: Chiddy Bang
  • Reading: Traffick - Ellen Hopkins
  • Watching: Twilight Zone
  • Drinking: Seltzer

deviantID

BethyLuv215
Bethany
Artist | Hobbyist | Artisan Crafts
United States
So if youre reading this, I guess you wanna know about me. well, Here's a little list that should help ya:

I love drawing
Love singing
Love movies
ADORE cuddling and snuggling if theres someone willing
Think the outside world is simply stunning
I may be short, but I AM NOT YOUR ARMREST!!!!!!
I suffered from on and off anorexia, bulimia, cutting, and have severe depression when alone for a long time, but I'm just about cured now I'd say.
Animals are one of my many passions!!! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!
If ever anyone needs a friend, i'm your girl. I'm here no matter what when I'm needed, and as loyal as a puppy. (But no worries, I wont shed on your couch =P )

So basically, I'm a teenager who has a plan in life but knows maybe that plan isn't quite set in stone. I struggle with keeping on the bright side of life sometimes, but every day I am proud to say I'm still alive. :)

Current Residence: Pluto (ITS STILL A PLANET TO ME!!!!!!!!!!)
Favourite genre of music: alternative or soft rock
Favourite style of art: poetry, sculpture
MP3 player of choice: ipod
Shell of choice: conch
Wallpaper of choice: anything that expresses me
Favourite cartoon character: Popeye? Danny Phantom? Snap (from ChalkZone)?
Interests

Activity


Josh Ramsay by BethyLuv215
Josh Ramsay
I went to my very first concert a few days ago, one of my favorite bands called Marianas Trench, and I snapped a few amazing pictures. This is one of my favorites. YUM!
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Slowly Moving Forward

Journal Entry: Sat Jan 2, 2016, 7:22 PM


Just an update in my life: I'm crafting a little, but not as much as I'd like. I've done a bit over my Thanksgiving and Winter Breaks, but those breaks are almost done (well, the latter at least - Thanksgiving is obviously over already). I took 17 credits last semester and am set to take 18 this next one. I am trying to plow through books while I have this time off, and I'm trying to study abroad in Ireland this summer. I'm trying to choose between continuing to sleep with someone I'm in love with (as I have been for nearly a year) but who doesn't feel the same, or dating someone who I have minor romantic interests in but who at least would care for me and could easily provide for me. Hard choice, my heart or my instinct to find a future provider and good genes to combine with mine. I have work for seven days straight, and then I go almost directly to Boston and then New Hampshire before going back to school. I'm hoping to take summer classes so I can get away from my somewhat toxic house life as soon as possible. I have developed some type of separation anxiety from my friends, and I am extremely reluctant to ever sleep. I have experimented with pot in order to manage the stress - I don't care much for smoking but it makes pain a little easier to deal with. On the other hand, I have experimented with alcohol and been everything from a happy drunk to hysterically crying for 2 hours, drinking 4 shots at 11am just to make the pain stop, and becoming "bipolar within seconds" as was described to me by one of my friends - I don't remember a single negative thing from the night, but apparently I was saying everything from how beautiful everyone was to how I was sure they all hated me and would send me back to Jersey. Yeah, I've had a crazy time. And I relapsed with my cutting. Just one cut, and one I debated making for nearly two weeks before letting it bite into my wrist. I've seen multiple therapists, and those at the school basically tell me that I have too many issues for the school to deal with. Oh yeah and they say the issues I have now and the assaults I have experienced all seem to lead back to the lack of parent-child connection which I should have made as a baby but never did. I take what I can get in affection, even if it's not what I need, because I'm so used to scraping the bottom of the barrel for something halfway decent that it seems the norm to me. But hey, at least I have a 3.7 GPA. Somehow.

So that's my life in the past 4 months. That's everything worth mentioning probably. I have no solace and all solitude. I'm not sure what happens now, but really I never am. I guess I'll just keep on crafting, hoping that I'll find some answer to some question or other. I'm well lost, and I know that I have to keep doing well. Guess I'll keep trudging forward, because even if I don't know where I'm going, I know forward is the only option, so I may as well make it count.

Oh yeah, Happy New Year everyone.

  • Mood: Distressed
  • Listening to: Chiddy Bang
  • Reading: Traffick - Ellen Hopkins
  • Watching: Twilight Zone
  • Drinking: Seltzer
RoboKnit by BethyLuv215
RoboKnit
I wanted a project over my winter break so I decided to make a robot to use up some of my copious amounts of beautifully colored yarn. I didn't have a pattern to go off of, so I improvised, and I have to say I think he turned out pretty well. He stands about 10.5 inches tall, as the first image shows with him next to a ruler. Any suggestions on another simple knitting project, or what to do with this little guy now? Stuffed animals are my favorite things to make but I never know what to do with them afterwards. Whoops!
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Latchhook Star Rug by BethyLuv215
Latchhook Star Rug
Again, this isn't much of an art piece but rather something I wanted to show off to the art community. It's a latch hook rug which is about 2' x 2.5', and has 7,500 threads which I cut myself. I'd seen the pattern in kits but I wanted different colors, so a year later, here is the finished rug!
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Comments


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:iconjazzberrytigercandy:
JazzBerryTigerCandy Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I very much enjoy your little critters.
Reply
:iconbethyluv215:
BethyLuv215 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I gave you a llama to say thanks for all of the favorites! :)
Reply
:iconjazzberrytigercandy:
JazzBerryTigerCandy Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww you shouldn't have
Reply
:iconbethyluv215:
BethyLuv215 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Aww thank you very much! :3
Reply
:iconjazzberrytigercandy:
JazzBerryTigerCandy Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
^^
Reply
:iconkeroro93:
Keroro93 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2015
Thanks for the :+fav: ! :D
Reply
:iconhanbo-hobbit:
HanBO-Hobbit Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for the favourite on "TARDIS Butterfly in the Time Vortex"!
Reply
:icondevilsangel8688:
DevilsAngel8688 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2015
:iconearlybirthdayplz: Have your cake and eat it too 
Reply
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