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About Artisan Crafts / Hobbyist BethanyFemale/United States Groups :iconbroken-hearted-poets: Broken-Hearted-Poets
The wounds are deep...
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Betrayed :iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 2 0
Literature
I Dream of Shipwrecks
You were drowning
And I couldn’t save you
Because our cell phones didn’t work
Underwater.
You weren’t looking for me
Because you could not see.
And you couldn’t breathe
So you could not scream my name,
So deep
Underwater.
I threw myself into the waves
Trying to follow you
into midnight fathoms.
Tiny bubbles escaped my mouth and nose
As I yelled to you
Underwater.
The calm silence below the surface
Pressed against my ears,
A clamp getting tighter
With every desperate stroke of my arms.
Seawater replaced your name
In my mouth and lungs,
And my muscles were ablaze.
But I dove down once more
In the hopes that I could find you somewhere
Underwater.
:iconBethyLuv215:BethyLuv215
:iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 2 0
Literature
Untitled
Stick a fork into a socket
And see what happens
When the power goes on
And it shoots through your veins
Like the rush of every illicit drug
You’ve taken into your heart
Heroin
Cocaine
Lust
Feel the current flow
Through your fingers
Jumping from muscle to muscle
The fierce flame itching
To punch through your every fiber
And escape this living hell
:iconBethyLuv215:BethyLuv215
:iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 1 0
Literature
Abuse
1. A corrupt practice or custom
Is that what it is when you walk hand in hand, looking the perfect couple because everyone is watching?
2. Improper or excessive use or treatment
Is that what it is when he breaks your heart for the 10th time this week, but makes it up to you with sweet kisses?
3. A deceitful act
Is that what it is when he tells you that you’re the only one he loves?
4. Language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately, or angrily
Is that what it is when he calls you his sweet little slut?
5. Physical maltreatment
Is that what it is when he apologizes for the bruises under your shirt?
:iconBethyLuv215:BethyLuv215
:iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 1 0
Literature
Spark
Between birth and death is the odd sensation
Of neither birth nor death.
Instead it is the flame of a candle
Jumping into existence for the flash of a moment.
It is in this moment that I spent seven summers at sleep away camp
Picking up pill bugs and misplacing pairs of shoes.
It is in this moment that I like to believe I’ve fallen in love
With every star in the sky, and even those falling from it.
It is in this moment that I have felt my heart demolished
And slowly rebuilt by the light of candles
Whose own brilliant fires flicker in time with mine.
It is in this moment that I have watched other flames dissipate
And others snuffed out
And others burst alight.
Between birth and death is the odd sensation
Of neither birth nor death,
But of the essence of the universe
In a single, hopeful spark.
:iconBethyLuv215:BethyLuv215
:iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 7 0
Squiddy by BethyLuv215 Squiddy :iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 2 3 Hamsterbeans by BethyLuv215 Hamsterbeans :iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 0 0
Literature
Playing Pretend
I like to pretend your posts are about me.
I like to pretend that you’re not the person who makes me happiest.
I like to pretend that you’ve never hurt me,
That I’ve finally fallen out of love with you.
But sometimes I forget to pretend,
And I remember how I will always be on the sidelines,
despite feeling like we could make it if we only tried.
I like to pretend I’m okay with all of this too.
I’m good at pretending.
:iconBethyLuv215:BethyLuv215
:iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 3 0
Josh Ramsay by BethyLuv215 Josh Ramsay :iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 4 0 RoboKnit by BethyLuv215 RoboKnit :iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 3 0 Latchhook Star Rug by BethyLuv215 Latchhook Star Rug :iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 3 0 Cupcake Swirls by BethyLuv215 Cupcake Swirls :iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 2 0
Literature
Inside
Everyone is supposed to have a dream, right? Some crazy, impossible wish that they know will never actually happen? You’d think that, but not everyone things that way. Alicia, for example, never thought that way. She was much more down to earth than all of the other teenagers that scampered around the neighborhood at night. Unlike them, she didn’t bother selling power from her pockets to pretentious passersby in the night. She knew better than that. She knew better than to pretend that if she spent enough time down an alleyway she could find a way out. Grimy streets littered with broken bottles weren’t so bad once you stopped looking up for something better, she decided. She knew she was trapped in a life she had never chosen, and one she certainly would never escape.
Fingers gripped the inside of the window ledge. They gripped so tightly that they almost blended with the white painted wood. White fingers let go with a startled shutter, and color slowly began to creep
:iconBethyLuv215:BethyLuv215
:iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 4 2
Literature
Charade
After a while you just stop caring.
You stop looking for sunlight.
                                                             Or moonlight.
                                                                                                        Or any light.
You stop wanting the pain to end.
You let it cradle you instead,
                                                             in the darkness,
       
:iconBethyLuv215:BethyLuv215
:iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 5 1
Literature
Getting Worse
I love how my depression is getting worse.
I love how I can’t get out of bed in the morning
                           except for the fact that I have to put on a happy face
                                                       for someone else.
I love how even the things that used to make me happy are turning gray.
I love how I feel abandoned by certain friends
                           because they hang out without me,
                                                       tell me they’re hanging out,
                &
:iconBethyLuv215:BethyLuv215
:iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 1 2
Literature
Falling is Floating is Falling
Falling slowly is like floating
but worse
Because you know that you're going to
hit
the
ground.
But when?
How hard?
Will it kill you?
Floating in space for a moment in time
stops time on its little hand
Makes everything feel
FoggyAndDenseAllAtOnce
But somehow you can't
extricate
yourself
from
any
of
it.
Floating is only falling in
slow. . .
motion. . .
And it's only a matter of time before
that inevitable
thud.
:iconBethyLuv215:BethyLuv215
:iconbethyluv215:BethyLuv215 1 1

Favourites

Day 1391. Caesar Salad by Cryptid-Creations Day 1391. Caesar Salad :iconcryptid-creations:Cryptid-Creations 4,326 185 Did I forget to turn off the coffee pot? by Secretvixen Did I forget to turn off the coffee pot? :iconsecretvixen:Secretvixen 30 6 Snorlax earrings by Yawannka Snorlax earrings :iconyawannka:Yawannka 10 0 Destiny. Blue Star Flower. by hanatsukuri Destiny. Blue Star Flower. :iconhanatsukuri:hanatsukuri 253 83 Harry Potter Book Beads by maryfaithpeace Harry Potter Book Beads :iconmaryfaithpeace:maryfaithpeace 119 27 Twinkle Twinkle Steampunk Star by colourful-blossom Twinkle Twinkle Steampunk Star :iconcolourful-blossom:colourful-blossom 1,503 268 Doughnut Beads by Mimi-Mushroom Doughnut Beads :iconmimi-mushroom:Mimi-Mushroom 83 40 Rocketshipping - Perler Beads by MandyNeko Rocketshipping - Perler Beads :iconmandyneko:MandyNeko 450 29 Dragon Plush by MowenDesigns Dragon Plush :iconmowendesigns:MowenDesigns 1,802 442
Literature
365 Things I Love About You
365 Things I Love About You
1. I love how you always make me smile
2. I love how you always make me laugh
3. I love the way you inspire me.
4. I love how cute and adorable you can be
5. I love the kindness that you show
6. I love how I can always be there for you
7. I love how you can always there for me.
8. I love how you stand up for the things you believe in
9. I love how open-minded you are
10. I love your gentleness with me
12. I love how you take my breath away.
13. I love thinking about you
14. I love how sweet you make my dreams
15. I love hearing your laughter
16. I love it when you smile
17. I love you still when your angry
18. I love you still when your sad
19. I love you still when you're a mess (though you'll always be beautiful to me)
20. I love the way you feel
21. I love the way you hold my hand
22. I love the way you smell
23. I love gazing into your eyes
24. I love the sound of your sweet voice
25. I love how much you've taught me about life and myself
26. I lo
:iconHazel-Almonds:Hazel-Almonds
:iconhazel-almonds:Hazel-Almonds 2,246 205
Literature
Suffering to feel
I don’t wanna sleep
Every time i dream
i wake up with a scream
The horrifying things i see
All the pain i feel day by day
Will they ever go away?
Was it all even a dream?
What if it’s all reality?
I would want that honestly
With those nightmares
I’m able to feel something
Even if it’s terrible
Even if i’m suffering
As long as i’m able to feel
would it still be a big deal?
:iconWeeklyPoems:WeeklyPoems
:iconweeklypoems:WeeklyPoems 2 6
Literature
smiles through downpour
A slow walk home
in soft rain and calm
the image
of kisses in the rain
floods me
a brief moment of respite
from the horror in my mind
once again
you're the only reason
I smiled today
:iconalphaRAM-antiCHRIST:alphaRAM-antiCHRIST
:iconalpharam-antichrist:alphaRAM-antiCHRIST 4 7
Tribal Watercolor Wolf by Lucky978 Tribal Watercolor Wolf :iconlucky978:Lucky978 2,250 72 Pan by oOAnniOo Pan :iconooannioo:oOAnniOo 1,482 219 Playful Panda-Dragon by HowManyDragons Playful Panda-Dragon :iconhowmanydragons:HowManyDragons 648 81

Groups

Friends

You thought I was gonna say return of the Jedi, didn't you? Nope! But I just want to say that my depression is back, in full swing, and absolutely killing me. Bad habits came back for a bit, like self harm, and then others started, like drinking too much. I have trouble getting out of bed and getting dressed. I can't eat very much. It takes me long periods of time to do simple tasks and homework assignments. I cry in the hallways and in class. I am trying my hardest to be okay, but when I spend entire days catatonic in bed, there's nothing I can think to do. I can't even muster the energy to think. But so it goes. I'm in immense amounts of pain but I know eventually I'll make it out on the other side. I have been seeing a councilor at school for some time now and have also had a meeting with the assistant dean of students and a welfare check with the police. I'm working as hard as I can do be okay, but I'm drained. I turned 21 last week and still have not had a chance to celebrate because I worry I will drink myself into oblivion. I can't celebrate till I'm well again, but that could mean that I don't get to drink my Bailey's until I'm 23. But if it takes years then that's what it will take. I'm not on medication right now, nor do I want to be because I know I can push through without it. I don't need to go back to the hospital. I do however feel awful and sick and upset constantly. I made a second tumblr blog so I could post all the sad things in my head and not worry my friends more than I certainly already do. I'm dying inside for so many reasons, but I made the choice to live a few years ago, so no matter how bad the suicidal ideation gets, I know I won't kill myself. I'm doing my best guys. I'll push through. I just hope I get over this bout of depression faster than the one in high school.

deviantID

BethyLuv215
Bethany
Artist | Hobbyist | Artisan Crafts
United States
Current Residence: Pluto (ITS STILL A PLANET TO ME!!!!!!!!!!)
Favourite genre of music: Pop punk
Favourite style of art: poetry, sculpture
MP3 player of choice: iphone
Shell of choice: conch
Favourite cartoon character: Popeye? Danny Phantom? Snap (from ChalkZone)?
Interests

Activity


You thought I was gonna say return of the Jedi, didn't you? Nope! But I just want to say that my depression is back, in full swing, and absolutely killing me. Bad habits came back for a bit, like self harm, and then others started, like drinking too much. I have trouble getting out of bed and getting dressed. I can't eat very much. It takes me long periods of time to do simple tasks and homework assignments. I cry in the hallways and in class. I am trying my hardest to be okay, but when I spend entire days catatonic in bed, there's nothing I can think to do. I can't even muster the energy to think. But so it goes. I'm in immense amounts of pain but I know eventually I'll make it out on the other side. I have been seeing a councilor at school for some time now and have also had a meeting with the assistant dean of students and a welfare check with the police. I'm working as hard as I can do be okay, but I'm drained. I turned 21 last week and still have not had a chance to celebrate because I worry I will drink myself into oblivion. I can't celebrate till I'm well again, but that could mean that I don't get to drink my Bailey's until I'm 23. But if it takes years then that's what it will take. I'm not on medication right now, nor do I want to be because I know I can push through without it. I don't need to go back to the hospital. I do however feel awful and sick and upset constantly. I made a second tumblr blog so I could post all the sad things in my head and not worry my friends more than I certainly already do. I'm dying inside for so many reasons, but I made the choice to live a few years ago, so no matter how bad the suicidal ideation gets, I know I won't kill myself. I'm doing my best guys. I'll push through. I just hope I get over this bout of depression faster than the one in high school.

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You fucked me over
But you never fucked me
Yet you decided to fuck her instead

Asshole.

You knew her for two days
And we had been partners
For two fucking years.

Dick.

We were never dating
But we slept together almost every night
And then you decided she was worth your virginity
But somehow I wasn't?

Cunt.

You fucked up my heart
You fucked up my head
You fucked her when I was crying
Because I loved you so much
And you didn't care

Bastard.

I'm not sorry for picking up a knife
I'm not sorry for my constant ideation of death
I don't forgive you for destroying my trust
I don't forgive you for getting drunk with her
I don't forgive you for fucking her

Burn in hell.

Alone for the Superbowl

Journal Entry: Sun Feb 5, 2017, 3:45 PM


The truth is, I’m pretty darn bummed that I’m not going to a superbowl party. Sure it’s cold and I don’t want to walk, but the reason I’m not going is because I don’t know if I can handle being around people. I mean, sure I can put on a happy face, but of the people I could be with, I just don’t think I could do it. I need to be alone in a crowd of friends right now, but the crowd I could be with are people I’m not super good friends with. So I guess that means sitting alone in my apartment - which don’t get me wrong, I really do enjoy - and trying to take care of myself. It’s a hard choice, but I don’t think I have another option. My heart is broken in an odd, inexplicable way, and as much as I wish I could be with other people and just party, I guess I know that the only people I’d actually be comfortable with are doing things and that I can’t invade their lives. I don’t know if this is considered taking care of myself, or if it’s me hiding my pain so others can have a good time. I don’t want to be a bad friend. I don’t want people to cut me out of their lives because of my depression. I want to be with someone who loves me and just cuddle on the couch talking about the silly commercials and the gameplay that I don’t totally understand. But that’s not an option right now. I’m not really okay with it, but I know that if I’m not with the right crowd right now, it’s better for me to be alone. So, am I bummed? Yeah. But do I understand it’s for my own good? Yeah, I suppose I do.

  • Watching: Superbowl LI
  • Eating: Cold pizza
  • Drinking: A Screwdriver
What is the BEST way to move on from a break up?
If you're sleeping with someone on a fairly continuous basis, should they tell you when they want to stop or let things fade?

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconrjbg:
RJBG Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2017
Hey there, great work!
Reply
:iconlarathain:
Larathain Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2017
Happy birthday! May it be a day of perfect weather and joyful bliss! One you'll enjoy to often offer reminisce.
Reply
:iconbethyluv215:
BethyLuv215 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2017  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you so much!!!! (Sorry I didn't see this sooner lol)
Reply
:iconjazzberrytigercandy:
JazzBerryTigerCandy Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I very much enjoy your little critters.
Reply
:iconbethyluv215:
BethyLuv215 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I gave you a llama to say thanks for all of the favorites! :)
Reply
:iconjazzberrytigercandy:
JazzBerryTigerCandy Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww you shouldn't have
Reply
:iconbethyluv215:
BethyLuv215 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Aww thank you very much! :3
Reply
:iconjazzberrytigercandy:
JazzBerryTigerCandy Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
^^
Reply
:iconkeroro93:
Keroro93 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2015
Thanks for the :+fav: ! :D
Reply
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