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About Artisan Crafts / Hobbyist Premium Member BethanyFemale/United States Groups :iconbroken-hearted-poets: Broken-Hearted-Poets
The wounds are deep...
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Out Of The Moment

Journal Entry: Mon Apr 7, 2014, 6:26 PM


Do you ever kind of get caught up in the moment and think, "what was I doing?" when you're no longer in that situation? As time goes on, I find that I am in that type of position. It's about one of my friends that I constantly bring up and about how I love him. I realized last night as I was drifting off that those feelings I have that are romantic love may be echos of something that used to exist. While yes I still love him dearly, I think the way I feel for him is not so much that I want to kiss him as I want to be his friend forever in the deepest and truest form of the word. I know that my feelings of affection are strongest when I am with him, and I think that's because when he holds my hand or puts his arm around me, I feel safe. That's not something I've ever felt with someone who I don't have a romantic connection with. 

A dear friend of mine told me about there being three types of love in terms of Greek: philios, eros, and agape. The first is brotherly love, and held between family and friends with trust. Eros is the lover's emotion, and it's the kind of love that tends to arouse physical desire as well. The last is unconditional love, valued above the other two. (I realize that these may not be spot on, but for general purposes let's assume they make sense please). What I have for this guy is agape, and philos, and once there was a bit of that eros. I don't want to talk about how strong that eros had been, but now I know that one thing I associated with it was the feeling of safety, and that someone might care about me because they can and not because they in a way have to, like how my mother is going to love me no matter what since she raised me. Now that I am not physically with my friend though, I can see these 3 loves and know that there is not definitive line between the loves, but that what I feel is not in the same category as I always associated it with.

I know that it might seem a bit strange that I bring this all up, but the reason I think I've been a bit stressed this past week has been that I was trying to figure out why I was again head over heels for my best friend who I thought I was finally over! I know that when I see him again, which I hope will be soon, I will still find in me some kind of attraction to him, but as I stand back and look now, I think maybe what I was feeling wasn't what I thought. That being said, I know if he asked to date I would say yes without hesitation. It's hard to explain, but again, there is such a fine fine line between eros, philios, and agape. Part of my stress has also come from the fact that, since he's not particularly expressive over text, I can never tell if he is sending hints for me to leave him alone or something. Yeah, he'd probably say so, but I can be thick skulled at the best of times, so who knows. The stress comes in there in that I keep asking about hanging out because I want to ask him to prom, and not just do it in text, yet I feel like he kind of avoids the subject. yeah maybe I'm just over reacting and he's not doing it on purpose, but then part of me screams, "ah but what if he is!?" Point is, my head is just spinning circles around what to do and how to do it. Can you really blame a girl?

In other news, I get to dissect a cow heart in Human Anatomy on Wednesday, and I bought a prom dress online yesterday. I have lost around 15.5 lbs since mid-December, but it's been a bit since I weighed myself and I'm afraid to look. What else is going on in my life? Not much that I can think of. I have a huge choir concert coming up at the Princeton University Chapel on May 21st, and I'll be in Arizona this coming weekend to visit my aunt and her family, plus my paternal grandpa. He's getting on in years and his mind is not as sharp as it used to be, so I wanted to see him just in case. I don't know how much longer he'll be around, and I know that when my grandma passed, we didn't tell my brother till he came home. he never got to say goodbye. I want the chance to say I love you again, just in case. I want to be optimistic, but I'm scared that that's only wishful.

This is way too long, but if I can come up with more to say, I'll let y'all know. For now, goodnight and sleep well and be happy people. thanks for reading! 

  • Mood: Emotional
  • Listening to: You Can't Stop The Beat
  • Reading: Metro 2033
  • Watching: Hairspray (2007)

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BethyLuv215
Bethany
Artist | Hobbyist | Artisan Crafts
United States
So if youre reading this, I guess you wanna know about me. well, Here's a little list that should help ya:

I love drawing
Love singing
Love movies
ADORE cuddling and snuggling if theres someone willing
Think the outside world is simply stunning
I may be short, but I AM NOT YOUR ARMREST!!!!!!
I suffered from on and off anorexia, bulimia, cutting, and have severe depression when alone for a long time, but I'm just about cured now I'd say.
Animals are one of my many passions!!! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!
If ever anyone needs a friend, i'm your girl. I'm here no matter what when I'm needed, and as loyal as a puppy. (But no worries, I wont shed on your couch =P )

So bassically, I love drawing, singing, and watching movies. I also loooooooooooooooooooove cuddling, and going to the beach to walk barefoot through the warm sand. I struggle with keeping on the bright side of life, and a few other "problems" but i perservere, and am proud to say I'm still alive. :)

Current Residence: Pluto (ITS STILL A PLANET TO ME!!!!!!!!!!)
Favourite genre of music: alternative or soft rock
Favourite style of art: poetry, sculpture
MP3 player of choice: ipod
Shell of choice: conch
Wallpaper of choice: anything that expresses me
Favourite cartoon character: Popeye? Danny Phantom? Snap (from ChalkZone)?
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:iconmy-sword-is-bigger:
My-Sword-is-Bigger Apr 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

:iconimhappylaplz:

 :icontry-your-page:

Hello (and sorry for advertising) ^^; Seeing as you're a writer, I thought you might be interested in my group Try-Your-Page and it's where you post the first page (or any excerpt) of a story/novel and see if others would turn the page. Please join if you're looking for critique or just something to read. :) The rules are that you have to comment on others' works in order to submit, so there's a high chance you DO get feedback

 

Here, have a cookie for my bothering you:

:iconcookie1plz::iconcookie2plz::iconcookie3plz:

:iconcookie4plz::iconcookie5plz::iconcookie6plz:

:iconcookie7plz::iconcookie8plz::iconcookie9plz:

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:iconlordeboy:
LordeBoy Mar 31, 2014
hey I missed you
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:iconnadir-sader:
Nadir-Sader Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Just wanna put it out there that you're a great poet, keep it up!:D (Big Grin) :D (Big Grin) 
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:iconbethyluv215:
BethyLuv215 Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
hahaha thank you so much!!!!! that means so much to  me! ^.^ thanks!!!!
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:iconnadir-sader:
Nadir-Sader Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Np, wouldn't have said it if you didn't deserve it. ^^
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:iconurahameshi:
UraHameshi Mar 9, 2014  Student Interface Designer
Hey! Thanks for the kind visit and fave, I appreciate it :)
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:iconbethyluv215:
BethyLuv215 Mar 9, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
no prob! youre worth it! and thank YOU for the llama!
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:iconhunterwuff:
Hunterwuff Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you for watching me ^.^
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:iconbethyluv215:
BethyLuv215 Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
thank you for being an amazing  artist! 
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:iconsaloscraftshop:
Saloscraftshop Feb 22, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
thank you for the watch :D
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