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Words by Zayama

Mental Illness Literature by TheButterflyOfHope

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Submitted on
November 23, 2012
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It is a shroud of black velvet.
It is the violent ocean in the dead of night.
It is the monster in the shadows; the Vashta Nerada.
It is the final crash of symbols in Carmina Burana.

It is impossible to lift.
it is impossible to breathe.
It is impossible to see.
It is the only thing that can be heard.

It is why the stars disappear at night.
It is why every light drifts by without stopping.
It is why the gnawing starts and never ceases.
It is why nothing else matters in the end.

It is my disease.
It is my disability.
It is my misfortune.
It is my death sentence.
Show don't tell. This is my description of depression. It's different for everyone, but this is mine. and I know it might not be so easily understood in the first stanza, last 2 lines because I used things not everyone knows. but they make sense to me. thats why i wrote this. for me. It comes out of nowhere and theres just no escape, and I wanted to express that in poetry of my own. I hope some of you out there will read this poem and know that you are never alone, even though when in Depression, there seems to be no one else at all.
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:iconroselynedwards:
Vision: Does the artwork reflect a point of view, theme, or idea?

My response: It has a theme that is throughout the entire poem, the theme is Depression. Also, the poem has a point of view about depression being that depression for this person is "impossible to lift" and it's this person's death sentence, I would consider that a point of view, though I wouldn't call it very original. However, I love some of the descriptions

Originality: Is the artwork fresh or new in its style, execution or approach? Is it something you haven’t seen before in its particular genre? Does it surprise you?
The overall theme isn't very original, it's another one of those depression morbid depression poems, and I don't see any hidden meanings besides the overall depression, this doesn't surprise nor excite me. However, it is very relatible for many people, and the actual descriptions and analogies used and some of the words were very unique and interesting. My particular favorite being, shroud of black velvet, monster in the shadows, final clash of symbols in carmina burana, it is my disability, it is my death sentence <--- these i found very original and surprising. Great work here.

Technique – Was the artwork skillfully created? Does the artist exhibit advanced knowledge of the medium and/or bring special focus to the craft of the medium used.

My response: I noticed a few grammatical errors, which could be easily fixed. I liked that you included punctuation. For example stanza 2 you didn't capitalize the "i" in line 2.. I'm pretty sure it was an accident.
Stanza 1 seemed to flow well and end well with satisfying sound to it. However, stanza 2 was without as much satisfaction like when I got to the ending line I felt like it was ending with missing note or the wrong note maybe? as far as flow goes anyway. If you know what i mean?

Although, I really like how stanza 3 & 4 turned out as far as flow they sounds great! :)

Impact – Does the artwork resonate with you or evoke strong emotions? Does it make you think? Does it blow your mind?

My Response: The artwork resonates with me as I understand and can relate to most of these feelings like said before some of the words and descriptions were brilliant, it wasn't too long and so I didn't get bored, but like I said it still has that easy to relate to feel, and judging by the comments I'm not the only one.
However, it's like a wow, blow my mind, but it is well thought out.

Overall, great poem, very easy to relate to and emotional, excellent descriptive work and analogies, but would hope for a bit more depth (as in more than the obvious depression or least maybe a more original point of view).
Great work! Don't stop writing!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 7 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconvanessanon:
Vanessanon Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Professional Writer
The first stanza sounded very David Tenant; i understand your words, your description, your ilness and I send you my sympathies :hug:
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:iconvanessanon:
Vanessanon Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Professional Writer
I mean it sounds like something he would say in one of his deep,dark reflective moments.
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:iconfelicia-neko:
Felicia-Neko Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Understandable... alot of people with depression can relate to this :)
Same here, you just wrote down how I felt back then
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:iconthe-stephy-powers:
the-stephy-powers Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Creepily accurate, but depression can go away. It's not always a death sentence. Things do get better...
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:iconlivinglove99:
livinglove99 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
This is unfortunately very accurate, but equally beautiful. I often have difficulties trying to express the way I am feeling when I am depressed, but this pulls out everything that plagues me and paints a very real picture. Your words are somehow encouraging too - a reminder that I am not alone. Thank you for sharing some of your deepest things.
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:iconsumgie1:
sumgie1 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
Powerful. Makes me want to consider writing something similar. :)
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:iconnarcaholic:
Narcaholic Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student
Great poem. I think it really captures the essence of depression.
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:icongaiatempe:
GaiaTempe Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Vashta Nerada, what is?
it's a great piece of lit!
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:iconbethyluv215:
BethyLuv215 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Vashta Nerada is an alien from a British show called Doctor Who. basically, it consumes the whole living being, but is only a shadow. Never visible. Like billions of invisible piranhas hungry for human flesh, and in the one instant of stepping into the dark shadows where it lives, the Vashta Nerada can consume you.
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:icongaiatempe:
GaiaTempe Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:O Oooh I didn't know it! what you've written has become more interesting with this explanation :)
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