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I Don't Know PainI don't know pain-
What has ever hurt me?
What have I had to deal with
That has ripped me apart-
-Truly ripped me apart-
Other than my hyperbolic tendencies
Or bleeding heart.
I don't know hurt-
What has ever hurt me?
Nothing has scratched out my mind,
Nothing physical anyway,
No pain that ever held me prey
That wasn't torn more in someone else,
That broke them where they lay.
And if I don't know hurt or pain,
Where is my right to feel it?
And where is my right to complain,
With vain attempts to reveal it?
It makes no sense, I realise that,
My retrospective eyes are only duo.
So why, then, do I feel so useless,
And farther down,
Into this hole,
That is known as
No light can be found.
And I have to wonder,
Will I ever get out?
Will I ever smile?
Or will I continue going through the motions of life,
Never really taking anything in,
For fear that even more darkness will creep in,
And bring me down further?
Will I continue to live life halfway,
Never remembering all the things I should,
Never taking all the chances offered?
Will I ever be sane again?
The Fog of War The Fog of War
Look behind the viel and not be disgusted by the sight,
Love me for me and accept my stained plight,
I just want them to accept me for who I am,
This is the plea of the dying man.
Smoke and mirrors; cloak and dagger,
I stumble around blinded, an inglorious stagger,
The red mist descends in a cloudy haze,
Here in the dark I will spend my last days.
Right before the end when my life flashes away,
I regret everything I thought but never did say,
Curled up alone on the cold dead ground,
Here lies my body just waiting to be found.
6. Break Away
The necklace is taken off
never to be worn again.
The walls are back in place
never to allow anyone in again.
You said you would never lie
but in the end you did.
You said that would would never hurt me
That was your lie.
So, I break this link
I don't want it anymore.
It is just a reminder of what is gone.
You showed me that once again people can not be trusted.
All I am good for is helping others
and even at that I am failing.
Because when you can't help yourself,
how can you help others?
You said that you would help
But where are you now?
I haven't heard from you in over six months.
Not since she saw you
and these emotio
Weigh you down
Since rash decisions make you spin around
You stop and stare
Is there something there?
Brush your fingers across my hand
Not a mistake because I can feel you there
Squeeze my fingers
Smile at me
Hand goes numb
You miss me?
Finally after three long months you feel my pain
Only memories remain
Your eyes scream your pain
"I never stopped loving you
I couldn't if I tried
You are my first, my one and only
Please, one more chance
How Much?I thought I'd finally caught a break
Maybe after all this pain I've found solitude
But the whole time you were looking at me, you pictured her
Everytime you found your way back to me it meant nothing
That look when you see me, was only because I reminded you of her
But how can you deny that?
The glint in your eyes and the way you let me touch you
This connection I feel to you even now
Do I mean something to you? Or was I just naive?
I still love you.
But I hate myself.
Because I love you.
PetalsFalling from the sky with a stabbed heart
and surrounded by red petals from another world,
eyes slowly closing as memories flash through
the dying mind that loves nothing more.
Dead and bloody corpse now rests upon
a frozen mountain up above near the heavens,
the night brought the shine of stars
to bmake the sorrowful funeral brighter.
The snow and ice mirror the starry sky
in the hopes of perfect silence to begin,
winds of frost howl across the pass
and snowflakes calmly cry upon the cold, cold ground.
Petals arrive late as always and land
by the frozen grave of the unnamed,
the moon at last shows its own gaze
and sets it on t
Hitting A LowLife's getting hard
And I'm hitting a low
My mind's torn apart
And I'm feeling alone
Getting so beaten up
And falling through cracks
Through bittersweet blood
Try to find my way back
But I'm scared that I'm lost
And I'll die here alone
Under crimson red frost
So far and falling from home
Different AtmosphereI sat there, with an emotionless expression on my face
a blank stare, sitting in this place
a loud noise, broke the silence
and punk songs filled the air
another setting, different atmosphere
I'm out of control, and in my eyes
a certain type of hate, one I despise
a certain look, a different color in your eyes
a lovely chance, a moist change
I can't see, Is it all my age?
Why I hate it? its what I fear
Why do I hate it, a different atmosphere
Bed of GlassI thought I was getting better
Maybe they were right
And it is possible to get over you
Then why am I so angry?
With the skin on my knuckles all scraped up and bruised
Because the more pain I'm in
The easier it is to forget you
All I want is to break it
All of the glass
Make my death bed on the floor of broken pieces
Then just lay down in your arms and sleep
And dream of you
You holding me close and kissing my neck
But all you are
Is shards of broken and bloodied glass
There Are Two Sides to Every StoryIs this an act?
Do you want me back?
That empty smile mercilessly knifed across your face
The reflection of my own broken soul in your eyes
Is that supossed to mean you over me?
Your stares in my direction
And the first time I've seen true light in your eyes
Your little act
And secret stares
Feather light smile weighed down by guilt
Convincing as they might be
Sweetie, don't even try to say your over me
What Have You DoneWhat did you do to me?
Did you really have that much power over me?
Now I can't even feel the sun on my face
Without feeling like its not light but death clawing across my skin?
That I can't look at so much as a picture
Of grass and summer
With out feeling sick
Did you really have to destory me?
And rip something as beautiful as you away from me?
What the hell is wrong with you
I love you but I just don't care
Because now my main concern is this-
What the fuck did you do to me?!
Fix MeI say I have this dream
To be as happy as can be
With someone who loves me
And will set my heart free;
You say that person is you
And your smile is so true
But you don't know me all the way through
And you're probably never going to
Because who could love someone like me
After I pouring out my soul, expecting to fly
When inside of my
Being is a monster asking why?
Why am I this way
And with each passing day
It worsens until I say
Life, end me as you may.
For who would want to live a life
Where food is the enemy
And everything leads to anxiety
And my screams are heard only by me?
If you searched my heart
You'd see i
SorryI'm sorry I'm not worth it
I'm sorry you don't give a damn
I'm sorry I'm not worth loving
And that everything is my fault
I'm sorry I keep getting messed up in all this shit
But now God's just toying with me
Seeing how much pressure I can take till
And I break to pieces
Turn to dust in your hands
Loving YouTerrified and scared
emotions that never leave.
Pain and denial
feelings more like plauge.
destruction and blood
Victim to DesireI see where it all went wrong now.
I looked back at what I was too afraid to see before.
I see what made my heart stop beating;
veins stop bleeding.
I see now why it hurt so badly.
I see now why it tore me apart.
I see now why I took the risk;
After-LoveThe heart cries out
The tears flow free
The world is cold
The hope forgotten
The need to have him
The need to see her
The need for affection
The need that cannot be filled
The words mean nothing
The imagination cannot suffice
The memories coax teardrops
The pain begins a cycle
Lost in a world where love is a curse
Lost in a land where hopes cannot be
Lost to remember the happier times
And forced to forget everything that was once inside
ForgottenThis crushing pain
This endless loss
This hope is vein
Your heart is frost
I love you so
Can't let you go
Can't breathe a word
Tears freely flow
Have you forgotten already
the love we shared?
Have you forgotten already
us, the perfect pair?
Do you even hear me
I'm bleeding inside,
bleeding myself out.
What's lost is lost
But I can't give up.
What's gone is gone
But I still love.
You won't remember
come a few years time
that you broke my heart
and that I tried to die
You won't remember
when all is done
those days of life,
when we still danced
in the sun.
Not That DayNo one wants to remember their worst nightmare.
No one wants to relive the pain.
No one wants to go back to a time without joy.
No one may want to, but the memories remain.
There was a time when I trusted people.
There was a time when I let others inside.
There was a time when every bruise was accidental.
There was a time, but that time is long past.
Maybe some day I'll have the will to live.
Maybe some day I'll learn to love again.
Maybe some day my scars will heal.
Maybe some day, but today is not that day.
Do you know the taste of the universe?One day, when you’re five years old and made out of fractured sunlight and mirror shards, you sit down on the bench of the MAX train. You’re dressed in your winter coat and boots that are too big and one of your parents has pulled your hat too close over your ears.
You’re sitting next to your mother, and on the other side is a man that smells like loneliness, something that you’ll later know as cigarettes and alcohol and homelessness. He’s crying quietly into the top of his jacket and you’re scared to look because you’ve never seen an adult cry.
The train ride goes on for five minutes, which is a lo
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More