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Notice MeLook up from your desk.
Look up from your book.
Look up from your laptop
or iPod and songs.
Why can't you see me?
Why don't you care?
Why won't you answer my letters?
Do you even know my name?
Do you even recognize my face?
Do you even think of my eyes?
What Have I Done?Each day I must resist
The urge to tear myself
Apart. Each day I have
Tried so hard not to harm
Myself, out of love for you.
Part of me knows that
I'm doing is for the best,
Yet part of me thinks self-
Harm is the best thing to do.
How is it that I began to heal
When you loved me, and the
Day you said that love was gone,
My will went in reverse.
A Memory To TreasureFingers cold as ice as I lay upon my bedsheets.
What has become of the girl who never cried?
What happened to the girl who always smiled?
Why do these scars cover my body?
Why am I proud of them?
Why can't I stop?
For you I stayed clean.
For you I stayed strong.
For you I promised not to die.
As time goes on, I feel my heartbeat grow weaker.
I wasn't ready to leave the hospital.
I never should have let my heart be taken again.
If I don't make it, please remember me.
If I lose dignity and virginity and life, don't hate me please.
If this should be my last day, let my life be a memory you treasure.
Only My ImaginationI can see you, your short brown hair
your big brown eyes
your smile that always gives me butterflies.
I can taste you, savory on my lips
tangy in my mouth
sweet on my tongue.
I can hear you, your calm breathing next to my ear
your steady heartbeat against my chest
your soothing voice.
I can feel you, warm against my skin
cool to the touch
burning with our joint passion.
I can smell you, your cool masculine musk
your fresh clean skin hair
your strong spiced deodorant
You Are GoneYou smile but it's only a picture.
You laugh but it's only in my memory.
You kiss me but it's only a forgotten possibility.
You hold me in waking and sleep, but it's only a dream left behind.
Do you remember the day we met?
Do you remember the jokes we used to make?
Do you remember when I cried and you kissed me?
Do you remember when I fell asleep in your arms?
Sometimes I look at your picture and I cry.
Sometimes I relive our dates in my head.
Sometimes I think of all the possibilities we had together.
Sometimes I dream that you're still here with me.
But you don't smile at me anymore.
But you and I don't talk, let alone laugh.
But you will never kiss me again.
But you will never hold me like you once did.
What's Left of MeTear my heart out, rip apart my soul.
That's what I've done to myself.
Break me to pieces because I'm so weak.
That's what I am: Weak.
Let someone love me, build a world around them.
It Is (Depression)It is a shroud of black velvet.
It is the violent ocean in the dead of night.
It is the monster in the shadows; the Vashta Nerada.
It is the final crash of symbols in Carmina Burana.
It is impossible to lift.
it is impossible to breathe.
It is impossible to see.
It is the only thing that can be heard.
It is why the stars disappear at night.
It is why every light drifts by without stopping.
It is why the gnawing starts and never ceases.
It is why nothing else matters in the end.
It is my disease.
It is my disability.
It is my misfortune.
It is my death sentence.
Just Another Lonely Night
I'm torn apart
Your games been played
You've won again
Brutality at its finest
A black hole in place
Of what had me whole
Searing pain of death, alive
Tearing another hole
Your bullet hits home
FadingLosing hope in everything,
Don't care what the future brings.
We're all gonna die anyways,
Why not tomorrow, why not today?
Tell me the reason, my purpose in life,
Tell me, why not suicide?
Give me reasons why I should live,
If I took my life, could you forgive?
I'm sorry, I know you thought I was stronger,
But I told you I can't take it any longer.
You told me these things, I told you I'm not,
I tried, I fought, again I lost.
This battle with myself, I've had enough,
Endured so much, depression's tough.
Battling addiction of self-harm too,
You have no idea what I've gone through.
I wanted to tell you.. So many times I'd tried.
"How are you?" "I'm fine," I lied.
When I tried to speak, the right words wouldn't come out,
'Cause for so many years, I filled my mind with doubt.
I was constantly bringing myself down,
Never really felt like I was wanted around.
When the time is right, my life I'll take.
That'll be the last time I break.
ChokingFake smiles and make believe.
It's all fun and games because they don't see.
[Never will, will they?]
And I want to tell you a secret.
I'm not sure I can keep going,
[what's the matter?]
I'm falling again.
Not in love but into a hole.
Something fancily named depression.
This isn't just a sad poem with a sad ending,
maybe it's a quiet cry for help.
I don't know who is reading this-
and you don't know who I am either.
[but, really, who knows the real me?]
Self Harm isn't Funny.It's not.
So why do you continue to laugh?
Is it really that funny to you?
Well, you wouldn't laugh if you'd known what me and these other people have been through.
You use silly labels such as "emo" and "psycho" to anyone who does it.
Is that really appropriate?
Let me explain something to you.
Some people self harm because of bullying.
I've been there myself.
Some people self harm because of family problems.
Some people self harm because of personal problems they may not want to share.
Self harm is caused by many things and believe me, it's one of the least funniest things to have happened in this world.
So let me ask you this:
How would you feel if someone was dragging you down everyday with harmful words?
How would you feel if you were constantly getting harassed online?
How would you feel if you received physical attacks everyday?
How would you feel if untrue rumors were going around about you?
How would you feel if your family turned against you?
How would you feel if you
Fix MeI say I have this dream
To be as happy as can be
With someone who loves me
And will set my heart free;
You say that person is you
And your smile is so true
But you don't know me all the way through
And you're probably never going to
Because who could love someone like me
After I pouring out my soul, expecting to fly
When inside of my
Being is a monster asking why?
Why am I this way
And with each passing day
It worsens until I say
Life, end me as you may.
For who would want to live a life
Where food is the enemy
And everything leads to anxiety
And my screams are heard only by me?
If you searched my heart
You'd see it's more like a board of darts
Stabbed, with the dents and the missing parts
No longer a piece of art
And that's not all;
If you searched my mind
You'd no doubt find
A demon of some kind
The demon that whispers in my ear
That I don't belong here
That I'm worthless, fat, and exposing all my fears
Making me screech, my vision becoming unclear.
So now tell me:
Even with all my i
What Else Mattered?They were forbade to see each other
The older generation thought their love was sickening
Just because they were two girls
But should love really be so discriminating?
They would do whatever it took to be together
So they ran away and created their own story
They were in love
What else mattered?
i try...I try to be strong
but somehow you always break me
I try to keep a smile on my face
and confidence in my mind
but somehow you always find away to make me feel sad and worthless.
and i want to be happy.
but you destroy all my efforts.
I don't want to be sad
I don't like being mad at the world
it's more difficult to regain my balance
every time i stand back up,
I'm a little easier to push back down...
Take My Blood InsteadEvery morning without fail
I wake up at 5 o'clock
My bones are aware of something
Of which my mind is not
They tell me to move forward
Propelling me from my bed
Don't drain me of ambition
Please take my blood instead
Every morning without fail
The sun shines on where I lay
Characters in place, stage is set
What'll fate offer me today
Mister mundane mumbles
From his melancholic head
Don't rob me of the sunlight
Please take my blood instead
Every morning without fail
You give me belief in fate
Before this pensive pillow
Is lowered to suffocate
Fake feathers smother my face
There will be no tears shed
Don't take their memories of me
Please take my blood instead
Self ImageI look at the reflection in the mirror
I'm appalled by what I see
This monster I've become
Staring straight back at me
I don't recognize this creature
Reality tells me that she is me
But I don't believe it
It just cannot be
What have I become?
Where did the real me go?
I think I lost her in translation
Now this image is my foe
I abhor this demon
She's as ugly as sin
Fat as a whale
But she's in my skin
It's a sense of disconnection
To my outer design
My hope is that one day
These two people will combine
Not That DayNo one wants to remember their worst nightmare.
No one wants to relive the pain.
No one wants to go back to a time without joy.
No one may want to, but the memories remain.
There was a time when I trusted people.
There was a time when I let others inside.
There was a time when every bruise was accidental.
There was a time, but that time is long past.
Maybe some day I'll have the will to live.
Maybe some day I'll learn to love again.
Maybe some day my scars will heal.
Maybe some day, but today is not that day.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More