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Notice MeLook up from your desk.
Look up from your book.
Look up from your laptop
or iPod and songs.
Why can't you see me?
Why don't you care?
Why won't you answer my letters?
Do you even know my name?
Do you even recognize my face?
Do you even think of my eyes?
A Memory To TreasureFingers cold as ice as I lay upon my bedsheets.
What has become of the girl who never cried?
What happened to the girl who always smiled?
Why do these scars cover my body?
Why am I proud of them?
Why can't I stop?
For you I stayed clean.
For you I stayed strong.
For you I promised not to die.
As time goes on, I feel my heartbeat grow weaker.
I wasn't ready to leave the hospital.
I never should have let my heart be taken again.
If I don't make it, please remember me.
If I lose dignity and virginity and life, don't hate me please.
If this should be my last day, let my life be a memory you treasure.
What Have I Done?Each day I must resist
The urge to tear myself
Apart. Each day I have
Tried so hard not to harm
Myself, out of love for you.
Part of me knows that
I'm doing is for the best,
Yet part of me thinks self-
Harm is the best thing to do.
How is it that I began to heal
When you loved me, and the
Day you said that love was gone,
My will went in reverse.
Only My ImaginationI can see you, your short brown hair
your big brown eyes
your smile that always gives me butterflies.
I can taste you, savory on my lips
tangy in my mouth
sweet on my tongue.
I can hear you, your calm breathing next to my ear
your steady heartbeat against my chest
your soothing voice.
I can feel you, warm against my skin
cool to the touch
burning with our joint passion.
I can smell you, your cool masculine musk
your fresh clean skin hair
your strong spiced deodorant
You Are GoneYou smile but it's only a picture.
You laugh but it's only in my memory.
You kiss me but it's only a forgotten possibility.
You hold me in waking and sleep, but it's only a dream left behind.
Do you remember the day we met?
Do you remember the jokes we used to make?
Do you remember when I cried and you kissed me?
Do you remember when I fell asleep in your arms?
Sometimes I look at your picture and I cry.
Sometimes I relive our dates in my head.
Sometimes I think of all the possibilities we had together.
Sometimes I dream that you're still here with me.
But you don't smile at me anymore.
But you and I don't talk, let alone laugh.
But you will never kiss me again.
But you will never hold me like you once did.
What's Left of MeTear my heart out, rip apart my soul.
That's what I've done to myself.
Break me to pieces because I'm so weak.
That's what I am: Weak.
Let someone love me, build a world around them.
It Is (Depression)It is a shroud of black velvet.
It is the violent ocean in the dead of night.
It is the monster in the shadows; the Vashta Nerada.
It is the final crash of symbols in Carmina Burana.
It is impossible to lift.
it is impossible to breathe.
It is impossible to see.
It is the only thing that can be heard.
It is why the stars disappear at night.
It is why every light drifts by without stopping.
It is why the gnawing starts and never ceases.
It is why nothing else matters in the end.
It is my disease.
It is my disability.
It is my misfortune.
It is my death sentence.
Just Another Lonely Night
I'm torn apart
Your games been played
You've won again
Brutality at its finest
A black hole in place
Of what had me whole
Searing pain of death, alive
Tearing another hole
Your bullet hits home
FadingLosing hope in everything,
Don't care what the future brings.
We're all gonna die anyways,
Why not tomorrow, why not today?
Tell me the reason, my purpose in life,
Tell me, why not suicide?
Give me reasons why I should live,
If I took my life, could you forgive?
I'm sorry, I know you thought I was stronger,
But I told you I can't take it any longer.
You told me these things, I told you I'm not,
I tried, I fought, again I lost.
This battle with myself, I've had enough,
Endured so much, depression's tough.
Battling addiction of self-harm too,
You have no idea what I've gone through.
I wanted to tell you.. So many times I'd tried.
"How are you?" "I'm fine," I lied.
When I tried to speak, the right words wouldn't come out,
'Cause for so many years, I filled my mind with doubt.
I was constantly bringing myself down,
Never really felt like I was wanted around.
When the time is right, my life I'll take.
That'll be the last time I break.
ChokingFake smiles and make believe.
It's all fun and games because they don't see.
[Never will, will they?]
And I want to tell you a secret.
I'm not sure I can keep going,
[what's the matter?]
I'm falling again.
Not in love but into a hole.
Something fancily named depression.
This isn't just a sad poem with a sad ending,
maybe it's a quiet cry for help.
I don't know who is reading this-
and you don't know who I am either.
[but, really, who knows the real me?]
What Else Mattered?They were forbade to see each other
The older generation thought their love was sickening
Just because they were two girls
But should love really be so discriminating?
They would do whatever it took to be together
So they ran away and created their own story
They were in love
What else mattered?
Fix MeI say I have this dream
To be as happy as can be
With someone who loves me
And will set my heart free;
You say that person is you
And your smile is so true
But you don't know me all the way through
And you're probably never going to
Because who could love someone like me
After I pouring out my soul, expecting to fly
When inside of my
Being is a monster asking why?
Why am I this way
And with each passing day
It worsens until I say
Life, end me as you may.
For who would want to live a life
Where food is the enemy
And everything leads to anxiety
And my screams are heard only by me?
If you searched my heart
You'd see it's more like a board of darts
Stabbed, with the dents and the missing parts
No longer a piece of art
And that's not all;
If you searched my mind
You'd no doubt find
A demon of some kind
The demon that whispers in my ear
That I don't belong here
That I'm worthless, fat, and exposing all my fears
Making me screech, my vision becoming unclear.
So now tell me:
Even with all my i
Self ImageI look at the reflection in the mirror
I'm appalled by what I see
This monster I've become
Staring straight back at me
I don't recognize this creature
Reality tells me that she is me
But I don't believe it
It just cannot be
What have I become?
Where did the real me go?
I think I lost her in translation
Now this image is my foe
I abhor this demon
She's as ugly as sin
Fat as a whale
But she's in my skin
It's a sense of disconnection
To my outer design
My hope is that one day
These two people will combine
i try...I try to be strong
but somehow you always break me
I try to keep a smile on my face
and confidence in my mind
but somehow you always find away to make me feel sad and worthless.
and i want to be happy.
but you destroy all my efforts.
I don't want to be sad
I don't like being mad at the world
it's more difficult to regain my balance
every time i stand back up,
I'm a little easier to push back down...
Sprinting Towards Demise
By burning waters, and smoldering bridges,
I await the genesis of our animosity.
Make the move that gives me permission to strike,
make the move that will bring about your end.
Near draws the line that which I advise you to never cross.
Though to my eyes comes the image of your sprinting legs.
It would seem, that through your veins flows pure pestilence,
and that you wish to bring upon me, nuisances by any cost.
Good God, such a fool bound for my throat,
knowing not the patient blade that waits.
Honor averts it's eyes, as your charge draws to an end.
It wishes this good and done, just as I.
A swift jerk of my arm to your direction,
and make you, a last descent to the ground below.
Then burden leaves my shoulders,
as life outward, pours from your filthy heart.
Take My Blood InsteadEvery morning without fail
I wake up at 5 o'clock
My bones are aware of something
Of which my mind is not
They tell me to move forward
Propelling me from my bed
Don't drain me of ambition
Please take my blood instead
Every morning without fail
The sun shines on where I lay
Characters in place, stage is set
What'll fate offer me today
Mister mundane mumbles
From his melancholic head
Don't rob me of the sunlight
Please take my blood instead
Every morning without fail
You give me belief in fate
Before this pensive pillow
Is lowered to suffocate
Fake feathers smother my face
There will be no tears shed
Don't take their memories of me
Please take my blood instead
Not That DayNo one wants to remember their worst nightmare.
No one wants to relive the pain.
No one wants to go back to a time without joy.
No one may want to, but the memories remain.
There was a time when I trusted people.
There was a time when I let others inside.
There was a time when every bruise was accidental.
There was a time, but that time is long past.
Maybe some day I'll have the will to live.
Maybe some day I'll learn to love again.
Maybe some day my scars will heal.
Maybe some day, but today is not that day.
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A two-time Community Volunteer for the deviantART Related category, Anne is well-known as a positive, helpful force. She is the community's resident expert when it comes to CSS (Cascading Style Sheets), and her personal gallery offers a wide variety of tutorials for new and experienced coders alike. In addition, each winter she hosts a calendar project encouraging members to create Journal designs for all to use, bringing more creativity to the community.
It is with immense gratitude that we acknowledge Anne as the recipient of the Deviousness Award for October 2014. Read More