Poems and College

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BethyLuv215's avatar
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I would like to wish everyone a good end of Passover, and I hope everyone suffered well. 

Now, down to business! As you may have noticed, I am recently putting up more poetry. I know that a lot of my recent work has been clay, but I find it difficult as the year ends and AP testing approaches to get into clay, even though I have a bunch of half finished projects that I've been doing over the past few months in attempts to do more clay. Since my amount of emotional outlets has therefore decreased, and so more poetry is coming. At least it seems that for now I am over the hurdle of a writers block. Not that it won't happen again I'm sure, but when emotions run high, so must the amount of artistic activities that I partake in. I hope however that those of you who watch me for my clay will stay through my poetry spell. I have honestly missed writing, and it's true that I am happy to be dabbling in it again. As the end of my high school career looms ever more closely, I find myself wondering what will become of my DA self. I would be sad if I had to give up this site for the most part, but I know that education is exceedingly important, and frying my brain with art, however beautiful, will not give me a degree in art or psychology.

That's another thing: I am starting to get very scared for college. I am glad to be leaving, but more and more I wonder, "what if I don't do the right type of art?" "What if my art isn't good enough?" "What if I can't actually help people?" and so many more "What if" questions. I'm looking at all my courses and options and learning how to plan everything so that I can have a coherent schedule, and I really am very scared that everything I think I know will be wrong and that what now makes me smart (frankly I'm not sure how much there really is of that) will be on the lower side of average or even acceptable. I want people to like me, but I don't know if that's going to be as hard for me in college as it has been the rest of my life. I want to be me, but how much can I really be who I am if I don't know who I am or how to be entirely me? Every day I feel fine with such a question and have an answer, but when evening comes I start to worry. Yeah yeah I know, be confident and don't worry. I just find that confidence is easier in the morning. Night rolls around and I'm like, "woah, how do I do anything?" It's scary.

On my final note, I will no longer be giving updates about my weight loss. I don't know if anyone actually cared or if it was solely for me, but due to a promise I made about eating, I will be doing things differently and would feel better not mentioning my progress, or possible lack thereof. That's all for tonight. I hope everyone is doing well. Goodnight everyone.

© 2014 - 2024 BethyLuv215
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