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I've tried to keep up here, but I can't. I am happy in life for the moment - getting good grades and dating a wonderful person - and do not feel the inspiration of depression. I lack the energy to make the projects which I hardly have time for, and would like to put the energy I have into pursuing professional and social goals. While I am occasionally here, additional content may not appear. Thank you for being with me through the years and thank you for understanding.
Return of the Depression
You thought I was gonna say return of the Jedi, didn't you? Nope! But I just want to say that my depression is back, in full swing, and absolutely killing me. Bad habits came back for a bit, like self harm, and then others started, like drinking too much. I have trouble getting out of bed and getting dressed. I can't eat very much. It takes me long periods of time to do simple tasks and homework assignments. I cry in the hallways and in class. I am trying my hardest to be okay, but when I spend entire days catatonic in bed, there's nothing I can think to do. I can't even muster the energy to think. But so it goes. I'm in immense amounts of pa
Alone for the Superbowl
The truth is, I’m pretty darn bummed that I’m not going to a superbowl party. Sure it’s cold and I don’t want to walk, but the reason I’m not going is because I don’t know if I can handle being around people. I mean, sure I can put on a happy face, but of the people I could be with, I just don’t think I could do it. I need to be alone in a crowd of friends right now, but the crowd I could be with are people I’m not super good friends with. So I guess that means sitting alone in my apartment - which don’t get me wrong, I really do enjoy - and trying to take care of myself. It’s a hard
The Final End
I have not been here for a long time and I'm sorry. I wish I could. But sometimes when I have nowhere else to go, when I need to write. Well, the guy I've been on and off sleeping with for two years fell for a girl on our Birthright trip -- the trip I begged him to go on with me, and the girl I was sure wasn't a threat to my (extremely unconventional) relationship. I was not dating him and we both knew that was not in the cards, despite my wanting it and loving him. But he's an ass to me so often, and as much as I love him, I hate him too. And I saw his behavior change while on the trip, yet even after hanging out yesterday, he hasn't said on
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